courtesy of 3poppies photography

Monday, 28 November 2011

Finding strength beyond my own

My time and energy recently has been spent mainly pacing the floor with my 5 month old trying to pacify him. We've had, and are still having, doctors appointments and hospital appointments to try and find something that will get him better. Nothing seems to be working, and so I've even resorted to giving up chocolate (well, dairy, but I'm only bothered about the chocolate!) to see if that helps. I've not noticed that it makes too much of a difference. I've read it might take one to two weeks to notice a change , eeek! It's a good job I love him!
I've been through a bit of an emotional roller coaster these past few weeks. I always feel down when my health takes a turn for the worst, but having to deal with a sick baby who requires so much attention and energy and little sleep was a real test to my limits. The situation hasn't changed to make me feel better. I did. I realised it was no good praying for a miracle to get my baby back, instead I pray for wisdom for myself and the doctors to discover what will help. Then I research his symptoms, I look for tips that other mums use to cope. I pray for strength to handle the pacing and rocking, the lack of sleep. I accept and even ask for help. This is a very big step for me. Nearly five years of illness has not made it any easier to receive help. I prioritise where I will spend what little energy I have. The housework and food preparation are put on the back burner, whilst I try to give time and attention to my older son and husband when baby permits. Changing my attitude towards the situation has helped me cope with it a hundred times better than a 'why me' attitude. It's amazing what strength you find where you thought there wasn't any!

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